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Why did the condom fly across the room
It got pissed off!  

A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A Woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need  

A Woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife  

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful woman is one who can find such a man  

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all  

Married men live longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die  

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does

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