jokes

tagtag.com/ivica

Bob is sitting at the bar staring morosely
into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down.
After trying to start a conversation several
times and getting only distracted grunts he asks
Bob what the problem is.

"Well," said Bob,
"I ran afoul of one of those women's
questions my wife women ask. Now I'm
in deep shit at home."

"What kind of question?, asked Tom.

"My wife asked me if I would still love
her if when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy, " said Tom. "You just
say 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah", said Bob,
"That's what I did, except I said
'Of course I DO.'"
*********

One night, as a couple lay down for bed,
the husband gently taps his wife on the
shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry
honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The Husband, rejected, turns over and
tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again. This time he
whispers in her ear, "Do you have a
dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
*********

Ratcliffe was in prison for seven years.
The day he got out, his wife and son were
there to pick him up. He came
through the gates and got into the car.
The only thing he said was, " F.F."

His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."

Out on the highway, he said, " F.F."

She responded simply, "E.F."

He repeated, " F.F."

She again replied, "E.F."

"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled.
"What's going on?"

Ratcliffe answered, "Your mother
wants to eat first!"
********

A teacher asked her students to use the word
"fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family
went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all
the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted
the word " `fascinate.`" Sally raised her hand.

She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia
Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word
`fascinate.`"

Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher
hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad
language. She finally decided there was no way
he could damage the word " fascinate" so
she called on him.

Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with
10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can
only fasten 8."

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